As we grow older our ideas change and shape into new beliefs. For example, something I used to believe in was trust. It’s not like I woke up one day and stopped trusting all together, a series of events led me to keep this “trust no one” motto. I learned the hard way that people lie and deceive for their own benefit. Growing up as an only child, made me put my trust in the people around me to keep me from being lonely. I believed the relationships I formed were genuine and that multiple people had my back. Yet, that wasn’t the case. Many have failed to keep their word and continued to disappoint me.
The moment I started to stop trusting people completely, began in high school. I had a friend who I was very close to , who betrayed me. She wasn’t just an acquaintance like everyone else. She was my best friend. She met my mother, has been to my house, and I’ve even spent money on this person. We would talk on the phone everyday, we’ve cried together, and we’ve shared secrets with each other. Our friendship seemed like it should’ve lasted forever. It would’ve lasted forever. Until, I was starting to have an issue with a girl who had it out for me for no good reason. This person happened to be a friend to my best friend. Amongst the drama my best friend was trying to be supportive of both of us. It seemed really two faced in my opinion but I understood where her heart was at so I let it be. She began to talk about me with the girl then smiled in my face the very next day. This made me think twice about her loyalty. I realized that she was everyone’s friend. So, naturally I fell back a little and kept my distance because how can I know whether or not she’s being real with me or not? . She continued to try to call me and apologize for her actions. Though it was too late, I was already hurt.
Then, I started to be reluctant in trusting even in a romantic relationship setting. My boyfriend at the time was starting to make suspicious actions that were raising red flags all over. For instance, he would ignore my text and calls then make up excuses. What he didn’t know was that I am definitely a private detective at heart and I ended up putting all the pieces to the puzzle together. I ended up finding out that he was cheating so I dropped him like a bad habit. Even though he tried to justify what he did I wasn’t going to let him make a fool out of me. Hell, no. After this event I began to be more aware of my surroundings and more cautious about the people I let into my life. I absolutely refuse to let anyone get close enough to hurt me ever, again.
We all are shaped by the experiences and obstacles we’ve faced throughout our life. It’s up to us on whether we let it make us better or break us into a million pieces. Whether they’re positive or negative we learn from them. Keep in mind, even though I don’t trust people, it doesn’t mean I completely exclude myself from the rest of the world. I’m not trying to be a lonely, old, cat lady in the future (even though I’m more of a dog person). Instead I keep a handful of people who I know I can depend on for certain things and see everyone else as an acquaintance. I don’t open up to people very easily and keep alot of my thoughts on the inside. I truly believe that trust is something that has to be earned. It takes time and patience to develop. It’s not something to be rushed, it’s a process. It’s easier to have those doubts in your mind about a certain person and go on depending on your gut feeling, rather than deal with a broken heart repeatedly. I’ve naturally always been a very observant person. Whenever I meet new people I first try to understand that individual first. Then I just communicate based on the energy that individual gives off. Throughout history we always hear stories of trust being broken and people betraying those who were considered friends to them.